Oh boy! This last weekend was a crazy one. For the last few months I have been co-curating the first ever Cultivate+Elevate, a weekend retreat meant to disconnect attendees from the stresses and distractions of everyday life and reconnect them with themselves, each other and nature. I was the last to come into the fold and much of the groundwork had already been laid out. Either way though, after joining the behind-the-scenes organizing I was geeked to share the responsibility of putting on an event I believed would be fun and helpful, especially for young entrepreneurs.
About a month and a half into organizing however, my excitement slowly started turning into worry. I began noticing little things that weren't going as planned or that made me uncomfortable. By the time the week of the event rolled around, my excitement was completely replaced with uneasiness and it turns out that my spidey senses were spot on (as usual).
Literally 30 minutes before getting off of work and exactly 3 hours before the retreat was to start I got a call (insert dramatic music here). It was one of the other co-curators making me aware that there was a HUGE issue with the campsite we had reserved. Devastation ensued. I'll save you all the details but all you need to know is we had to cancel the whole retreat an hour before it was supposed to start. I was so embarrassed at the unprofessionalism of it all. I was frustrated for the attendees that were so excited for the weekend and paid money to be a part of something great. I was so angry I almost threw up. Not because I was mad at my co-curators but because I was furious with myself. For over a month I had been ignoring the growing feeling of anxiety in my gut instead of facing and exploring why it was there.
To be completely honest, I've been really going in for a while now and self-care hasn't been at the top of my list as it usually is. Generally I always listen to my instincts, or at least analyze them (usually during meditation) but didn't do that this time around. Regardless of if it was my fault or not, I was a part of a massive, embarrassing failure. My name and my brand were a part of organizing the event, so I am automatically associated with this crash and burn. I'll call it, "taking an L by association". But this extremely not fun experience reminded me to really listen to my higher self again and not neglect her as I have been. I was disconnected for a minute but I'm reconnected again! Thanks for the reminder universe: no matter how much ambition and drive you have to succeed and grow, never neglect your Self.
**Let's have some fun. Have you experienced a major L lately? Comment below and tell me what it was!